Riding the Rapids

ahhh . . . now I understand.

"You can see yourself doing your compulsive little dance, but now you don’t judge yourself and you don’t hate yourself for it. Quite simply, you are not so identified with that small self because you are resting in the Big Self, in the God Self, in the One who knows all, loves all, and holds all things in their seeming imperfection." R. Rohr


The work of dismantling my self-loathing is now going to get so much easier.

Now I understand that my self-loathing is attached to me identifying with my ego. So when I start judging myself for being "behind" or feeling like I'm going backwards instead of forward etc., I can remind myself and reassure myself that yes, my ego is probably struggling right now and no, that is not me.

Now the work of compassion is going to get so much easier.

Sometimes I feel like I am riding the rapids. Riding the "rapids" is when the understandings come rapidly. But the odds are, these are simply the seasons when we reap from the seasons of doing a lot of hard (and seemingly fruitless) work.