Giving My Worth Away to The List

As I become more and more observant of my inner world, I am finding that I have The List that defines whether I am doing well and whether life is good. And The List is not questioned. As far as The List is concerned, it is above reproach.

So I have been poking at The List recently, and I have found that it is really quite arbitrary. I can actually challenge it and/or ignore it and it has no power to punish me. You might say it has been all bluff.

The List says, did you accomplish such  and such? No. What about such and such? No. Did you do this? No. Did you do that? No.

In the past The List would have screamed, "Then you are not allowed to say that you are doing Great. You are not doing Great if you don't do the things on The List. You have to weigh a certain amount and you have to eat a certain way and you have to exercise a certain amount and you can't be triggered and if you are triggered you have to handle it well and you have to spend a certain amount of time with God and then, if you do all of the above, you may say you are doing Great!"

There is a growing strength in my body because there is (an appropriate) defiance of having my well-being defined by such a small thing - The List for heaven's sake!

When did I give my worth away to such a worthless evaluation!

(By the way, I am doing Great!)