Significance

My points of torment are like pokes now instead of burning embers. But even so, if ignored, they can still do damage. The funny thing is, now that I have entered the last third (fourth?) of my life, the torment now gets to add, for good measure, "... and by the way, you're too old to be tormented by that thought any more!"

I'll give an example: I still have existential questions like, what is my significance and why am I here. But it usually is in the form of, I have no significance and it is my fault. And if unattended and ignored, I can fall into lethargy, the place where I go when I have unattended, depressive thoughts. But this time around, the thought did not get to pass through unnoticed and she wasn't shamed for existing, . . .well, initially she was. So I pulled her out and said, "Let's look at this, what do you think, do you have significance?"

When you are young, the thought is that eventually you will do something that is significant and people will say, "Wow, what a significant person!" But you reach a certain age and if you are honest with yourself, it becomes obvious that that is not going to happen.

So where does significance come from? For me, the answer this time around was that my significance comes from the fact that I was put here to be a witness of, to be one who reflects and absorbs creation/God. I was put here to witness God and Creation and then to reflect what I witnessed. Actually, that is what we all do whether we know it or not - we all reflect what we absorb.

I'm not quite sure why that comforted me or why it rang true or why I believe that - but for me, it was quite "significant".