Better and Worse

So I have this friend who needs to grow. But the odds are, he won't. And the main reason he won't is because of his concept of his identity. He considers himself first and foremost, a Nice Guy (and he really is). But he is a Nice Guy Who Needs to Change, which is not a part of his Nice Guy Identity.

If he ever came to me for counseling, the first thing I'd have to "work" on, is his concept of his identity. We would make no progress as long as he held to his Nice Guy Identity.

He has a lot of hostility towards his wife, but he can not feel his feelings of hostility, mainly because Nice Guys are not hostile towards their wives, plain and simple. And he is, after all, a Nice Guy.

We always needs to hold our identities lightly - we never know as much as we think we do - we are both better and worse than we know.