Maybe Even Appropriately

There is a good chance that my (almost) Worst Fear will "come upon me"! Well, maybe not the worst.

 I am trying to get certified by an organization that I have a great deal of respect for and I just can't seem to be able to get them to be impressed by me. In fact, they are so not impressed, that there is a good possibility that they will not certify me. So the (almost) worst fear is . . . a group of people I respect will judge me (accurately) to be deficient and  reject me.

And of course, all the neurons are firing at nuclear intensity.

How dare they!
Don't they know how innocent and sincere I am?
Don't they know how unjust they are being by jerking me around?
Don't they know how hard I am trying?
Don't they know I am new at all of this?

So can I just sit with that?
And I do.
I just sit with how my filter is interpreting the circumstances of my life.

And lo and behold, I find out that there is life even if my (almost) Worst Fear comes true.

How fun is that!
And how proud I am of myself for Being Aware, for processing my feelings, for accepting the realities of my insecurities, even the insecurities that are seen and judged, maybe even appropriately.