Totally Daunting

I have been wrestling my mind into "submission" and am still daunted by what it is I'm wrestling. The layers seem to never end and each layer struts with assurance that it's story is reality and there is no other story and therefore I'm doomed.

For instance, when I'm told that the daughter of a friend is getting married to her sweetheart, I feel flaming darts through my heart. If I gave thoughts to those darts,  my thoughts would say, "You were never loved like that. You were never adored like that."

The wrestling happens when I challenge that reality - I argue - I come up against my identity (the Unloved One) - I exhort myself and say, "Truth says that you can experience love two ways - you can be loved and/or you can love."

I remind myself that I can experience love, by being loving - something I have total control over.  Ahhh, but the wrestling, the grappling, the taking of the "thought" by the throat and saying, you are a lie at worst and a half truth at best. I will not be tormented by you. Totally daunting.

(And by the way, it works.)