Saturday, September 29, 2012

"Movies" of Our Own Making

I have a relative that spends his life either working or watching movies.(Netflix doesn't help). I have watched this relative's life shrivel.

I have also watched myself struggle to live in the Present, to be present to the Present Moment. This last week, after being subject to a lot of criticism, I watched myself, at the end of the day, reliving the criticism. At that point, I reminded myself that that was literal energy being spent on that which would not bring me or anyone else . . . Life. In essence, I was also watching a "movie", a reality that didn't exist.

So this relative is not the only one guilty of spending most of his life either working or watching movies. Whenever I am not living in the Present, I am watching a "movie" of my own making.

What a waste!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Start Close In

from David Whyte . . . Start Close In

Start close in; don't take the second step or the third; start with the first thing close in, the step you don't want to take.

Start with the ground you know, the pale ground beneath your feet, your own way of starting the conversation.

Start with your own question; give up on other people's question; don't let them smother something simple.

To find another's voice, follow your own voice; wait until that voice becomes a private ear listening to another.

Start right now; take a small step you can call your own; don't follow someone else's heroics; be humble and focused; start close in; don't mistake that other, for your own.

Start close in; don't take the second step or the third; start with the first thing close in, the step you don't want to take.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Subtle Seduction

The other day, while I was on Facebook, I realized that after each entry, my picture occurs along with a blank box. Then I realized, oh the power of that picture and that blank box. It was like the invitation was more than an invitation and became a command. Indeed, the command "Write a comment" appears and being the obedient person I am, I feel the need to comply. And this has been going on for months without me thinking about it once. I find myself writing comments and editing them and erasing them and stressing over them, etc. Now that I have become aware of this "seduction", I am able to smile and say, I don't have to say anything just because some "program" appears demanding my attention/energy.

Wonder how many other undetected "programs" there are in my life?

Friday, September 14, 2012

Bad Feelings Equal Bad Person?

One of the hardest things I have to do is feel my feelings - at least the unpleasant feelings. So I watch jealousy rise up and insecurity. I watch myself responding to situations like a teenager - the worst indictment of all. Then comes Friend Shame and we're off to the races.

But because I am my best friend, at some point, Robin steps in and takes charge. She reminds me that I am not Jealous and my name is not Insecure. Yes, I "have" jealous feelings and yes, I "have" insecure feelings; but my feelings are not my identity. I am not my feelings. And it is okay to experience unpleasant feelings - they are not an indication of anything. If anything, they are an indication of which areas would benefit from extra soothing. In other words, bad feelings do not mean I am a bad person.

I calm down, comfort myself, soothe myself, forgive myself, and embrace myself. I am secure.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Bindings

At the end of Frodo's journey, a Spider captured him and bound him tightly and hung him from the roof of the cave. Just as Frodo was bound tightly by the Spider's mesh, sometimes the Gift of Life within me feels bound tightly by my body. Often times the Gift of Life struggles and wrestles and groans with frustration, needing to emerge, but bound by my body.

A binding can kill and a binding can protect. The Spider's binding was meant to kill. A cicada's binding is meant to offer protection until the cicada is ready to fly. What I'm hoping is that, unlike the Spider's binding, my binding is there to protect. What I'm counting on . . . is that whenever, whatever is being protected, no longer needs protecting, (is strong enough) that the binding will fall off. I'm counting on the fact that Life will emerge at the right time and that the Knower will know when that time is.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Today is the Day of Salvation

For many years, my friend was a part of an ideal (and mature-ish) Charismatic group. Like all Charismatic groups, we positioned ourselves to wait on God to receive words and impressions and healings, etc. (an apophatic way of relating to God). When she moved to Florida, she entered a desert that, like all deserts, was hard to navigate (and survive). While talking to her, she mentioned how few and far between the Impressions from God were and how she was languishing.

I reminded her of the Pool of Bethesda where people waited for years for the waters to be stirred (signifiying a move of God, an impression from God, a visitation). I suggested that when Jesus lifted one of the paralyzed ones up, He could have been saying to him, "Today (and everyday) is your day of salvation. Everything you need is within you. I am within you. Walk. Walk today. Walk everyday."

Her walking would involve things like, instead of waiting for God to tell her that she was "accepted in the Beloved", she would often, during the day, remind herself in a dozen different ways, how special she was and how wonderful she was and how the future was full of hope. She would learn to "walk".

I love my Charismatic family. I loved those days. But I am also glad that I no longer have to wait for a "visitation" to walk. My salvation is within.